apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
did i just pee glitter
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
