I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
