i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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