I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
