so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
