So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
