I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
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