forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
