Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
