It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
