Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
