You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
