go do what you do best...puke behind churches
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
