She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
