She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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