We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
