there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
