omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
it's great music for shaving your balls
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize