I'm eating all of the evidence.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
