I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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