i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
