it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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