My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
