Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
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