As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
