So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
