hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
