First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
