he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
