Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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