I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
