I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
