This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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