I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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