So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
