if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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