yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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