She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
