Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
