forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
