I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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