so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
