i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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