is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
