Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i think i have herpe
just one?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
