yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
