Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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