i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
