worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
