I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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